One Trick Pony

Paul Simon’s One Trick Pony (1980) was one of the last in a string of rock-star movie vanity projects, drug and/or ego-driven spectaculars like Magical Mystery Tour (Beatles), Renaldo and Clara (Bob Dylan), A Poem is a Naked Person (Leon Russell), Journey Through the Past (Neil Young) and 200 Motels (Frank Zappa). No matter how surreal, artsy or faux documentary, once the vibe of self-indulgence escapes the bottle, it’s difficult putting it back.

One Trick Pony, written by and starring Simon, is a straightforward narrative about an “aging” rock star attempting to fix a broken marriage, keep his band on the road and record a hit record that’ll get back him into the big time.

The idea of rock stars growing older was a thing in 1980 as Lennon and Dylan approached 40 and Woodstock was more than ten years in the rearview mirror. Classic rock (when it was still just plain “rock”) was gasping for air and couldn’t keep up with the energy and zest of punk and new wave.

Simon plays one-hit wonder Jonah Levin, lucky enough to stay off the oldies carousel as he continues to tour and write new music, a lifestyle that ultimately busted his marriage. “You get to a certain age and rock and roll is sort of pathetic,” scolds his wife (Blair Brown).

Sure, she’s bitter but Jonah is performing songs with titles like How the Heart Approaches What It Yearns and God Bless the Absentee. He’s not exactly Ozzy Osbourne or Lux Interior.

One Trick Pony may reveal more about Paul Simon than Jonah Levin. If Art Garfunkel could have an acting career working with hotshot directors like Mike Nichols and Nicolas Roeg, why not Simon? And if Artie could unveil his pale scrawniness in Carnal Knowledge (1971) and in the originally rated X and released a few months before One Trick Pony, Bad Timing (1980), why couldn’t Simon? In One Trick Pony we get two bathtub scenes, bedroom sex with Brown and, most embarrassing of all, Simon’s naked torso with tight jeans, more Burt Reynolds than sensitive singer/songwriter.

The one time when Simon allows himself to be filmed in an unflattering light is when he and his band walk through an airport: he looks to be nearly a foot shorter than his fellow musicians, and with his perpetual oversized baseball cap and solemn look comes off like a Little Leaguer braving a stomachache.

Simon’s acting is serviceable, much better than the wooden line readings he gave in Annie Hall (1977). Jonah’s band, an all-star group of studio musicians, cook during the live concert numbers, the only time Simon seems to come alive. A collegiate looking Lou Reed plays a record producer and when Jonah agrees to appear at a “salute to the sixties” event, there’s some exciting footage of Sam & Dave, plus a reunited Lovin’ Spoonful. And Tiny Tim wearing this cool custom suit.

If anything, One Trick Pony is notable today as possible source material for This Is Spinal Tap (1984). Harry Shearer has a brief role as Jonah’s manager, a member of Jonah’s band offhandedly mentions "the bigger the cushion, the better the pushin'" and the band shows up for a three-date gig only to find the club shuttered after the owner ran off with the money. Jonah’s band also plays Cleveland’s Agora Ballroom, obviously successfully navigating the “little jog to the left” and finding the stage.

Clocking in at two and a half minutes, Paul Simon wrote one of the best songs about the ups and downs of a traveling musician on the road, Homeward Bound. There was no need to stretch it out into ninety minutes.

Born on the Fourth of July

In George Vecsey’s excellent 2006 book Baseball: A History of America’s Favorite Game, he devotes a chapter to the New York Yankees titled Why the Yankees Exist, writing “Quite like America itself, the Yankees were either classic champions, envied and admired all over the world, or else they were haughty oppressors, resented down the downtrodden masses.”

Moving on to George Steinbrenner (again, this is 2006), Vecsey added: “New York in the mid-1970s encouraged more flamboyant magnates. A builder with eccentric orange hair and equally flaming ego, Donald Trump, openly boasted about his real estate prowess.

“The Boss (Steinbrenner) seemed to take his cue from being born on the Fourth of July, surrounding the Yankees with patriotic rituals involving flags, anthems, military choruses, and, for playoff games, trained American eagles soaring over Yankee Stadium."

This is the same Steinbrenner who was convicted of making illegal contributions to Richard Nixon’s presidential campaign (with no prison time) and was suspended from baseball at one point for paying a known gambler to dig up dirt about Dave Winfield, with whom he was feuding.

He was quotable and commandeered the back pages of New York City’s tabloids, then hijacked national sports pages on the morning of the 2010 All-Star Game by dying.

Gee, much of this seems strangely familiar. 

Factoring in their separate relationships with Rudy Giuliani and this sentence – frightening in so many ways – from Wikipedia's Steinbrenner entry: "In 1989, after seeing Donald Trump on The Morton Downey Jr. Show, he wrote a letter to Trump suggesting he should run for president," the public lives of Steinbrenner and Trump are intertwined in many ways.

Yankee fans of a certain age learned that if they squinted hard enough, Steinbrenner’s lording over their favorite team could fade into the background. Today, some New York Giants fans are learning to compartmentalize Jaxson Dart’s apparent admiration for the current administration. Or as many did a decade ago, choosing to look past all that embarrassing commentary by several NBA players that the earth was flat.

Sometimes viewing things through that sort of lens is the only way to keep your sanity. 

P.S.

George Vecsey turns 86 on July 4. As a reporter for Newsday and The New York Times he covered the New York Mets from their inception; his 1970 book Joy in Mudville is the franchise’s origin story. Vecsey also wrote Coal Miner’s Daughter, about Loretta Lynn and was one of 25 Newsday journalists who contributed to the 1969 novel Naked Came the Stranger, a satire of the then-current popular literature, as well as sex in suburbia. There’s some Metsiana in the name of the main character in Vecsey’s contribution, Morton Earbrow, inspired by Casey Stengel who said Gil Hodges was so strong that he could "squeeze your earbrows off."

Testing the limits of Batmania

One can only imagine how aggravating a day June 25, 1966, was for Adam West.

He’d signed on for two personal appearances at Shea Stadium, at 2 and 7:30 p.m., part of a concert that included Frank Gorshin, the Young Rascals, the Temptations, the Chiffons and Junior Walker and the All-Stars, and it was coming apart.

The show’s promotor was Harry Bloomfield who, although convicted of income tax evasion in 1949, was still granted a license to put on the show. A thousand tickets were stolen from a publicist’s office, and several of the booked acts, including Skitch Henderson and his Tonight Show Orchestra and M.C. Bruce Morrow, abandoned ship because of dismal ticket sales.

The local Teamsters union, fearful that they wouldn’t get paid, threatened to walk before the show until West personally guaranteed the crew’s payment in advance.

As it got closer to 2 p.m. it was obvious that only around 3,000 people were in attendance as. All this and West had to wear his Batman costume, the gloves, the tights, the cowl as the afternoon temperature climbed to 87 degrees.

After the musical acts, a gate in leftfield opened and West as Batman was driven around the field in a Cadillac convertible – not the Batmobile – close enough to the stands to shake hands with the overheated kids in attendance. As the PA system echoed through the nearly empty stadium, West reached the stage and asked, “Have you seen any unusual looking people around here?”, the cue for Frank Gorshin as the Riddler to appear on stage. A sample of their onstage schtick: Riddler: “Why are the Mets like my mother-in-law’s cookies? (Riddler is married?) They need a better batter.”

West and Gorshin left the stage, then reappeared without costumes. West sang. Gorshin did celebrity impressions. Reportedly the 7:30 show was better attended, but even an audience of 5,000 in a place that seats 55,000 makes for an oppressive scene.

If it was the first true test of Batmania, it failed. The franchise wobbled a bit but recovered the next month when the Batman movie opened and scored well at the box office.

After the concert, promotor Bloomfield concluded, “Shea Stadium is not conducive to concerts.” When he was reminded about the Beatles’ capacity concert there, Bloomfield replied, “The Beatles were a freak attraction.”

The Incredible World of James Bond

On November 26, 1965, the day after Thanksgiving, NBC fittingly pre-empted The Man From U.N.C.L.E. to run The Incredible World of James Bond, an hour-long documentary that, given its sweep and licensing rights to all the Bond films made up till then – Dr. No, From Russia with Love, Goldfinger and the upcoming Thunderball – survives as the definitive statement on a cultural phenomenon.

I watched the show when it originally aired, an eleven-year-old already stuck in the snare of Bondmania (not to mention Beatlemania and lurking around the corner in just four months’ time, Batmania) and it was a trip watching scenes from Goldfinger – the Aston Martin, Oddjob’s electrocution, the laser beam aimed at Bond’s family jewels – in our living room.

The full movie wouldn’t air on network television until September 1972.

The Incredible World of James Bond also gave us a rare glimpse of the very proper Ian Fleming wandering about Goldeneye, his Jamaican estate, in a safari jacket, cigarette holder clenched in his mouth, with a reminder that Fleming didn’t look any farther than his bookshelf for a name for his fictional spy, a nature guide titled Birds of the West Indies by ornithologist James Bond.

A segment on Bond tie-in merchandise included the elusive, only-rich-kids-can-afford-it 007 Road Race set and the 007 attache case, plus a line of men’s wear, perfect for lounging about after consuming the Bond’s room service breakfast in From Russia with Love (and shown in a segment covering his refined tastes) of green figs, yogurt and coffee, very black.

What recently triggered all this was the sudden appearance on YouTube of this ad which ran during the program and suckered me right in:

Here’s my original copy of the album, delivered on January 14, 1966 (according to my childish scrawl).

Adjusted for inflation, a single U.S. dollar in 1966 had the purchasing power of about $10.19 today, making the record, and factoring in the purchase of a bag of Fritos, a bit of a ripoff for the kind of budget LP found in supermarkets and bargain bids, but it seemed well worth it at the time.

The record found a place in my collection and came in handy when I made tapes for road trips in my 1973 Toyota Corona – standard model, no ejector seat – as one of my favorite tricks was to fade out the Bond theme into Johnny Rivers’ Secret Agent Man.

The album would have also made excellent background music while I watched the slot cars in that road racing set go around and round. Anybody who could afford the racing cars wouldn’t have thought twice about spending another buck on the record.

The Outfit

This post is part of the Robert Duvall Tribute Blogathon hosted by 

Taking Up Room – Reviews. History. Life.

Writing as Richard Stark, Donald Westlake authored 24 novels about a career criminal named Parker (just Parker), who has been described as ruthless, amoral, cold, methodical, efficient, murderous and humorless.

They all fit.

Ranking the movies adapted from Parker novels, at least those I’ve seen, the less said about The Split (1967) with Jim Brown the better. Payback (1999) with Mel Gibson is Parker as superhero. The best is Point Blank (1967) with Lee Marvin and The Outfit (1973) with Robert Duvall.

In The Outfit, Parker is renamed Earl Macklin, who learns upon his release from prison that there are contracts out on him, his brother Eddie and their partner Cody (Joe Don Baker) as payback for a bank the three robbed, not knowing it was a front for the Outfit crime syndicate.

Thugs kill Eddie and threaten Macklin’s girlfriend Bett (Karen Black), leading Macklin to decide that the Outfit owes him $250,000 – “to make things right” – and until he gets the money, he plans to rip them off of whatever he can.

Macklin and Cody knock off a series of Outfit operations, getting the attention of its boss Mailer (Robert Ryan), who agrees to the $250,000 payoff. An arranged meeting is an ambush that Macklin and Cody barely escape and that, plus Bett’s death during a bogus police traffic stop, sets into motion a seemingly suicidal plan to attack Mailer’s heavily guarded compound.

Robert Ryan and Robert Duvall 

Having Bett around is something new for Macklin, and Cody upon meeting her, makes his mistrust known to Macklin: “You start worrying about the girl, you forget your work.” Maybe Cody was spooked by her beret-style headwear reminiscent of Faye Dunaway in Bonnie and Clyde, knowing full well how that ended.

And unlike Bonnie and Clyde, there’s nothing romantic about Macklin and crew. They move around between crummy motel rooms, Macklin and Cody living in a foxhole, wiling away the hours with trivial small talk, sharing cigarettes and bottles of beer.

Robert Duvall as Macklin: "Cold and ammoral"

Director/screenwriter John Flynn adds some terrific hardboiled dialog. “I don’t talk to guys wearing aprons,” says Macklin to a bartender blocking him from speaking to an Outfit goon. At one point an exasperated Mailer barks, “I want (Macklin’s) ass wrapped in cellophane!”

Along with Ryan, the supporting cast includes film noir veterans Elisha Cook Jr., the always scary Timothy Carey, Jane Greer and Marie Windsor, plus familiar faces Richard Jaeckel, Sheree North, Joanna Cassidy and Henry Jones. In a nod to The Maltese Falcon, Carey refers to Macklin as a “gunsel,” Humphrey Bogart’s name for Elisha Cook.

The Outfit was one of Ryan’s last movies. He died of lung cancer three months before the movie opened.

The grand finale siege of Mailer’s compound involves lots of shooting and explosions courtesy of a bundle of dynamite sticks, complete with timer and suction cup attached to the bottom of a table, right out of a Roadrunner cartoon. Flynn ends the movie with a cheesy Starsky & Hutch freeze frame of Duvall and Baker laughing, an adrenalin rush after beating the Outfit (and which doesn’t quite fit the Parker image).

That's a wrap. Roll credits 

Duvall’s Macklin allows himself moments with Bett specifically when talking about his grandfather where he comes off as human and nearly sentimental, but those are the only glimmers of daylight in an otherwise dark existence. Macklin is grimly professional and intense, and there’s very little that’s likeable about him. But that’s how it’s supposed to be.

Craig Morton

Craig Morton spent a decade sometimes playing quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys stuck, as he was, between the careers of Texas folk hero Don Meredith and national legend Roger Staubach.

In 1974, the New York Giants traded a 1975 first choice and a 1976 second choice for Morton, hoping his rocket launcher arm and Cowboy background could right a Giants ship that was listing at 1-5 and about to go under.

Craig Morton: Bad team, ugly helmet logo

For a moment, it looked like a brilliant move. In his first full week as a Giant, Morton led the team to an upset win over the Kansas City Chiefs, a glimmer of daylight in a gloomy year that saw the Giants lose the rest of their games that season.

But with a roster of guys either on the wrong side of 30 or rookies, the Giants’ issues went further than quarterback, compounded by three years spent wandering the wilderness with home games played at the Yale Bowl in New Haven and at Shea Stadium while Yankee Stadium was under renovation and Giants Stadium was under construction.

Over the next two years the Giants finished 8-25 with Morton. He was traded to Denver and took them to Super Bowl. The Cowboys used the first-round choice from the Giants to select defensive tackle Randy White, who’d end up in the Hall of Fame.

The Giants only dug themselves an even deeper hole, turning to Paterson Plank Joe Pisarcik at quarterback.

“We needed Morton, we had to have a competent quarterback. Maybe we paid too much for him. We probably did. But there was no choice, not really, and I’d do it again,” Giants general manager Andy Robustelli said later. “I think Morton was the right guy but on the wrong team.

“Craig often needed a kick in the ass to get his attention and let him know he couldn’t call his own tune. Instead of being the positive influence I had sought, the opposite occurred. I take nothing away from Craig’s football abilities, but he was not the kind of leader we sought.”

Craig Morton died earlier this month, age 83. His time with the Giants was short but it felt like an eternity at the time, Morton forever running for his life, playing for a team that was forever on the road.

Postscript:

Had they existed back then, the internet, ESPN, sports talk radio and every barroom and office baseball and football fantasy league would have blown up on October 22, 1974.

It was a Tuesday, the NFL’s last call for trading. The Giants followed the Morton deal by sending incumbent quarterback Norm (Losing Pitcher) Snead to San Francisco for two draft choices. The Green Bay Packers in desperation traded five choices, including two first rounders, to Los Angeles for 35-year-old quarterback John Hadl. Kansas City sent John Matuszak to Houston for Curley Culp.

And if all that wasn’t enough, in a mind-blowing deal, the New York Yankees and San Francisco Giants announced they had swapped Bobby Murcer “the next Mickey Mantle,” for Bobby Bonds, “the next Willie Mays.”

Nowadays, trades are rare and if they happen at all they’re based on data or salary cap implications. In 1974 it was all driven by gut instincts and angry team owners.

Ted Turner

Ted Turner died on May 6 at the age of 87.

Major league baseball owners today seem like a mostly faceless, bloodless lot, incorporated and data driven. There was a time, however, when an MLB owner meeting resembled field day at Arkham Asylum, a miserable crew including bullies (George Steinbrenner, Yankees), racists both obvious (Clark Griffith, Twins, and Marge Schott, Reds), and closeted (Tom Yawkey, Red Sox), the mercurial nouveau riche (Charlie Finley, A’s) and clueless traditionalists (Philip Wrigley, Cubs).

In 1976 they made room for Turner, who’d purchased the Atlanta Braves to a) keep them in Atlanta and b) provide content for his WTBS cable superstation, eventually giving them a nationwide audience and allowing them to be marketed as “The Atlanta Braves: America’s Team.”

Turner may at first have come off like a vulgar frat boy; sportswriters were quick to name him “The Mouth of the South,” but he brought a sense of humor and clever marketing. Braves players had their nicknames stitched on the backs of their uniforms. All except pitcher Andy Messersmith, who agreed to have the word CHANNEL over his number 17, a walking promotion for Turner’s UHF station on channel 17. The commissioner’s office put a quick end to that. In 1977, he took over as temporary manager of the Braves, complete with tobacco chaw, for one game (they were on an epic 16-game losing streak). The commissioner ended that move just as quickly.

Media magnate as manager

But even if you weren’t a fan of the Braves or baseball it was hard not to like Turner. He built a media empire that included for better or for worse CNN (thus creating the 24/7 news cycle we can no longer escape), WTBS (with its Saturday and Sunday afternoon marathons of The Man From U.N.C.L.E. and The Wild, Wild West), the Cartoon Network (reviving the old Hanna Barbera cartoons) and, best of all, Turner Classic Movies.

He was also an ex-Republican who saw the light and went blue, publicly feuded with Rupert Murdoch, challenged the World Wrestling Federation (owned by Trump suck-ups the McMahons) with a rival league World Championship Wrestling, married Jane Fonda, championed healthcare reform, nature conservation and alternative energy resources.

Wait, you mean there was a time when you could actually admire a billionaire?