Bad company

While they may picture themselves as The Avengers or The Justice League coming to save us from rising egg prices and DEI hiring practices, the next administration’s cabinet appointments, a cavalcade of the weird and unqualified, seem more reminiscent of the old Marvel super-villain teams, dangerous but ultimately second-rate bad guys with dubious superpowers, laughable costumes and names. 

Any of these names are probably available at the right price for a plaque nailed to this next cabinet’s clubhouse door. 

The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants: Super-villains team brought together by ideology: mutant superiority (homo superior) over humans (homo sapiens). Magneto recruited Scarlet Witch and

Quicksilver by rescuing them from an angry mob in their “Central European” home. Mastermind, a John Carradine lookalike, had a creepy interest in the much younger Scarlet Witch. Toad’s name described his springy bouncing ability and how he toadied up to Magneto. Magneto wasn’t much on team building; the Brotherhood quarreled endlessly. 

Sinister Six: A team-up of some Spider-Man’s initial rogue’s gallery: Sandman and Electro (with no lessons learned, both would join other subsequent super-villain teams), plus Mysterio, Kraven the Hunter, de facto leader Dr. Octopus and the Vulture. Together, they never add up to anything greater than the sum of their raw talent as they insist on going after Spidey individually and not as a united front. 

Frightful Four: The Wizard, Sandman and the immortal Paste Pot Pete (who changed his name to the Trapster to keep superheroes from laughing themselves silly) couldn’t beat the Human Torch singly in any of his early solo adventures, yet somehow when they added Medusa of the Inhumans they defeated the Fantastic Four once and had them on the ropes a second time, a storyline that launched a two-year run of issues of the Fantastic Four that to my mind has always been The Great American Comic Book Novel. 

Emissaries of Evil: Daredevil’s laughable archenemies band together to no effect. Electro and the Gladiator, with twin circular saws on his wrists could be formidable, but the rest of this crew? The Matador would throw his cape over a foe’s head to create confusion. Scary. Stilt Man wore a telescoping device on his legs that extended his height. That’s it. Top-heavy at best, he may be the dumbest villain concept ever except for another Emissary of Evil, Leap Frog with his exoskeleton frog costume, complete with webbed feet. 

The Fellowship of Fear: Mr. Fear’s contribution was fear pheromones from gas pellets shot from a special gun. According to an online Marvel database, he recruited Ox and The Eel primarily because of their low intelligence, making them easier to control. The Eel was a classic Marvel second-banana bad guy. Ox was Lenny from Of Mice and Men. The sightless (but with other senses enhanced Daredevil) knows Ox is around by his heavy breathing and “cheap hair tonic” – the first time Vitalis contributed to the bring down of a super-villain team.