The Perfect Day: February 4, 1977

It’s a Friday and two inches of snow have fallen overnight. The day's temperature will hold steady between 31° and 32° until mid-afternoon when Arctic air moves in; by midnight the temperature drops to 10°. But it’s okay, because we’re at home for the next 24 hours with nothing to do but watch television.

6:30 – 8:00 AM: We’re stuck on Channel 11: Felix the Cat, the Little Rascals and the barely-tolerable-but-we-can-sit-through-it Banana Splits.

8:00 AM: According to TV Guide, Dick Shawn joins Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Green Jeans on a safari. Shawn’s crazed mama’s boy in It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and Hitler/hippie Lorenzo St. DuBois (aka LSD) in The Producers were highlights of those movies, so this seems worth catching, although Shawn should probably speak with his agent. 

9:00 AM: The inevitable run of mid-morning game shows: To Tell the Truth, Concentration (it reruns on the Game Show Network today as “Classic Concentration” – who knew it was classic?), The Price Is Right and Hollywood Squares, featuring Earl Holliman, Karen Valentine, John Byner, Isabel Sanford and Paul Williams – giants walked the Earth back then.

11:00 – 1:30 PM: A run of weirdness. A game show called Shoot for the Stars (with the star-crossed Debralee Scott), a variety-show half hour hosted by Don Ho, then Phil Donahue, whose guest is the catty Mr. Blackwell, unveiling his Worst Dressed Women of 1976 list. 

1:30 – 2:30 PM: It’s the long-running Midday on Channel 5 with lantern-jawed, but likeable Bill Boggs. He doesn’t seem to do much TV anymore and he’s listed online nowadays as a motivational speaker, but Boggs was synonymous with New York City afternoon television for decades.

2:30 PM: Tough decision between Casper the Friendly Ghost cartoons on Channel 5 and Bozo the Clown on Channel 11, but only if its the live Bozo program. I think it's likely going to be the lame cartoon, so Casper gets the nod.

3:00 PM: Another hour of old cartoons.

4:00 PM: Put on a comfy sweater, it’s time for Dinah! (Remember the exclamation point). 

Dinah! 

Unfortunately, this isn’t the episode with David Bowie and Iggy Pop, that'll come later April. Today it’s some sort of theme show, with Carroll O’Connor and wife, Bill Bixby and wife, and Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis.

5:00 PM: An easy downshift from low-key Dinah to the catatonic Mike Douglas, with guests Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band, no doubt performing a medley of their hit, Cherchez La Femme.

6:00 PM: Time to adjust the antenna so we can pick up Channel 68 and watch Uncle Floyd with hopefully only a minimum of what used to be known as “snow” on the screen. Strictly through word of mouth and the occasional newspaper article, the show is starting to pick up viewers; in another year or two it will become a minor miracle of hip pre-Internet entertainment.

6:30 PM: Since the rabbit ears are working well, we’ll keep it on Channel 68 for a rerun of the long-forgotten Peyton Place. Will it be Mia Farrow with long hair or her pixie cut?

7:00 PM: Bowling for Dollars on Channel 9. A couple of times a year there was always the cousin of a friend of a friend competing on Bowling for Dollars, being cheered on by other friends of friends. Filmed at a bowling alley somewhere in the bowels of Madison Square Garden and hosted by Larry Kenney, who went on to make a living doing voice work on cartoons. 

7:30 PM: We’ll leave Name That Tune on Channel 4 and try to play along.

8:00 PM: 1977 is right square in the middle of network television's Tarnished Age of Lame Variety Shows and tonight we watch Exhibit A: the unbearable Donny & Marie. While we await the weekly “I’m a little bit country, he’s a little bit rock & roll” medley, we’ll sit through, according to TV Guide, a Charlie’s Angels spoof, guest Milton Berle as an anxious stage mother (allowing him to reprise his eternally unfunny drag bit) and “a musical salute to Hawaii.”

9:00 PM: Rust never sleeps and the Tarnished Age continues with Sonny & Cher, whose guests include Ruth Buzzi, Barbi Benton and William Conrad. Expect plenty of fat jokes when the hefty Conrad is on camera, and some excuse to get Benton and Buzzi onscreen together to compare looks. I’m sure this travesty was clobbered in the ratings tonight by the competition on ABC, the latest installment of Roots.

10:00 PM: I don’t remember a Serpico series, but it’s on tonight, starring David Birney wearing Al Pacino's shaggy hair and beard look in the movie.

11:00 PM: Back to the rabbit ears and Lucha Libre on Channel 47. The world is a poorer place without Spanish-language wrestling and guys wearing masks in the ring.

12:00 AM: We’ll have to settle for the last hour of The Tonight Show – even if the guest host is McLean Stevenson.

1 AM: It’s a Friday night in 1977 and when you get home from hanging out, there’s only The Midnight Special to keep you company. The show is kind of like listening to AM radio around the same time: a couple of jewels here and there, but mostly wading through acres of knee-high mud. Helen Reddy is hosting tonight's “best of” fourth anniversary show, so while there’s David Bowie and Linda Ronstadt, there’s also Neil Sedaka, the Captain & Tennille, the Bee Gees and Ms. Reddy herself. That’s a lot of mud.